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Loving Her

The journey I have experienced with my body has been one of the greatest challenges of my life time.

I am a number 5 in tantric numerology which is the physical body.

It is both my teacher and the way I am called to service.

I am a deeply physical being.

I feel intuitively with her…when I am listening.

I both love her and I hate her.

The love is new.

She has served me so well in this life…despite all I have done to her. I have abused her in so many ways. Disrespected her on so many levels.

I have starved her, beaten her, over used her, given her to others to abuse and over use. I have had the worst thoughts possible of her.

I have even tried to take my soul from her.

And through all this she has continued to serve me….

She has withstood physical exercise and has arisen to the challenge with splendour.

She has continued to perform when not being fuelled and has healed herself when a lesser body may have given up.

She has allowed me the grace to experience such pleasure…she has never denied me this…even when I deny her.

She has stayed beautiful…although she shows some scars these days she still says strong and beautiful.

She birthed 4 beings…

She didn’t actually even get to birth them she allowed these being to be cut out of her. Whether this was to help her or because I had denied her I will never know.

But she did this and she did it again, and again, and again.

Each time she healed.

Each time she fed each being.

Each time she did this whilst not being loved by me.

Today she is tired…She is not used to being tired and I am not used to her being tired.

She does not want to be moved fast. She does not want to be pushed.

She wants now to be stroked and bathed. She wants now to be honoured.

She is finally saying “Please love me…”

She is what allows me to feel my children's hugs…

She allows me to experience the pleasure from my husbands touch.

The suns warmth…

She offers me the opportunity to experience this life, this world.

I want so much to love her with all my heart.

Some days I do…..

Sirgun x

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